first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
