Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
