when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
