ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
