Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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