She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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