A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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