just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize