I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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