So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just forgot I was standing up.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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