i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
