I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
