My Higher Power is John Stamos
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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