Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
