she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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