dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
