Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
