He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
