Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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