It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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