Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
