you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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