So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
