every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
