He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
