he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
