I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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