Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize