it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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