Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
