I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I checked into jail on foursquare
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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