can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
How's work?
Spinning.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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