You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
