a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize