i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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