Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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