You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
