last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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