It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
