Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
