it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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