***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
