I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Life is so much better after having sex.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's shark week go big or go home
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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