I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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