I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
