i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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