Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
