my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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