the condom got lost in my hair
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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