I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
