Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
