please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
