apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
