I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it's like iHOP with fire
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
