I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize