You're my little dorito
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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