I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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