Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
