She announced her abortion via fbk
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
