fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
