tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
