Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
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