best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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