sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
