Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
