If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
