im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize