So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
