Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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