the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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