I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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