I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
