I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
