I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
