coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
