he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
