all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
